Saturday, 8 March 2014


Do you remember when we were kids and our birthday was coming up?  We lost sleep, hoped for good gifts and poured over the list of people who would be invited to our party. I was the oldest of four kids and definitely not popular so my list had to be short, usually just a couple of kids, so my party was not going to raise my status at all.  When we were kids our gifts where modest.  Mom and Dad were ranchers which meant the income was modest too.  And we were happy with it.

I'm not sure exactly what happened to shift the expectations of a party.  Maybe the start of Pintrest?  I really think that we seem to view our child's party as a status symbol of our own.  Have you ever looked in your child's goodie bag and sniffed in disgust at what was in there?  Be honest.  Have you dropped a kid off and stuck you head in the door to check out the decorations?  We all judge each other.  And I am here to say :"That's stupid".  It really is.  It is a huge waste of our energy.  I can't think of a way to say it in a more politically correct way.  We have to stopl.  We judge at every turn.  Even if we don't put it into words.  We see dust on a ceiling fan, eat dry brownies or see a little girl with her hair un-brushed, and we judge.  The lines runs across our brain.  "I would do better." "I would be better."  "My kids would never leave the house like that."

A lot of these expectations began in a very different time.  A time when mothers stayed home and made popcorn balls and tended huge gardens and canned everything in sight, including the chickens tended in the yard.  Those mothers judged the first woman that worked outside of the home. "huhmd, she didn't plant a garden.  She is going to buy store bought vegetables this year.  Can you imagine?" And our grandmothers has immaculate houses and we thought we should "be" that. 

And then we see mothers on the other end now.  Moms that work in the home that is well off and have more timed for planning and organizing.  They use their time and resources to throw wonderfully decorated cakes and decorations type parties.  And then we think we should "be" that. 
Thanks to Creating Couture Parties

And then we see the high power CEO woman that has a cleaning lady and a personal assistant.  She gets her nails done, her hair cut on time and exercises daily.  She is a gracious and kind mother that breezes into a room and lights up with her calm demeanor as she works a room.  And we think we should "be" that. 

And we aren't.  We work at Walmart, or a legal office, or a drug store. And we are so far down the ruler we use to measure ourselves that we don't ever register.  And that is wrong.  Our lives count!  We matter! And the life that we build is worth more than one grade three birthday party.  Our love is all consuming.  And our respect and love for each other should come  through.  We are women.  We should love each other and stop the judging, even if it is in our head. We need to disagree with that voice until it becomes silent. We need to teach our girls that mothering is about love, not scrubbing the ceiling fan.  

Mothering is listening to the small voice in the dark that says "I'm scared. Can I sleep with you?" And we throw back the covers and feel that small body climb in .  That moment should be the one we remember.  The moment when we are the one that can fight monsters, scare away the boogie man and slay the wicked witch. We are enough. We are everything we need to be.  We need to stop the madness that is causing us nothing but anxiety and stress.  We need to treat each other with the kindness that we would appreciate. We are the hero in our own lives.  We need to save ourselves.